A Reintroduction
Hello, again. I wanted to briefly reintroduce myself in this space, as it's been a hot minute since the last time I really discussed my intentions for creating it nearly two years ago. What a time it has been. I started writing here, reluctantly, due to a suggestion from my then-therapist in the first few months of entering treatment for my eating disorder. I had just begun medical leave from school and was flailing to find ways to occupy myself without marinating in my thoughts all day. I knew that words were helpful to me when I had the time and thought to articulate the right ones. Sometimes I get caught up in attempting to remember details of exactly how things happened, but I try to be mindful of that and recenter my focus onto the impact events in my life have had on me instead.
I didn't share this with more than maybe ten people at first, and once I started talking about things that frankly still make me want to disappear when I go back and read them, I kept it really sheltered and rarely informed people when I would put up something new. However, I realized how helpful this platform could be to communicate things that might be challenging to communicate otherwise. I think I find solace in the hope that things which feel overwhelming and too complex to explain might be able to be heard here. I invite people to read in an effort to let them into my head, an effort to deconstruct walls which helps create connection and healing. I want to be seen and heard as much as any of us do, especially by those who care about me and whom I care about in return. If you made it here and take even these five minutes to try to hear me, I appreciate you. You make me feel like I matter, which is something that doesn't always come easily.
There has become quite a bit of content, so start where you feel like starting, but if you don't know much about any of my story yet and are closer to the thought of, "wait, since when did you have an eating disorder??", then I'd maybe start with Long Story Long circa 2018.
I also would like to mention that obviously I talk quite a bit about eating disorders and mental health. I also talk about self harm. More recently I have been better and more educated about talking about it in a way that is appropriate, but if you do venture back a year or so, there may be some mentions of behaviors that are a bit more descriptive. If hearing about these things may be harmful to your own health, please proceed, or don't, with caution.
Lastly, a few key terms that I use a lot that might help you if you aren't too familiar with the lingo of the recovery community and I will try to add to it as I remember more:
ED = eating disorder (duh)
Residential = a 24/7 level of care where you live in a house-like setting for continuous treatment
PHP = partial hostipatilation program; a level of care that usually ranges from 7-10 hours a day and 5-7 days a week.
IOP = Intensive outpatient program; a level of care that usually is about 3 hours a day and 3-5 days a week.
getting "cut" or "pulled by insurance" = insurance approves coverage for treatment in sets of about 5 days at a time, each time followed with a review. between the team and the insurance representative. If the insurance representative is not convinced you qualify for the level of care you are currently in, they will require you to drop to a lower level (or higher level) of care.
I didn't share this with more than maybe ten people at first, and once I started talking about things that frankly still make me want to disappear when I go back and read them, I kept it really sheltered and rarely informed people when I would put up something new. However, I realized how helpful this platform could be to communicate things that might be challenging to communicate otherwise. I think I find solace in the hope that things which feel overwhelming and too complex to explain might be able to be heard here. I invite people to read in an effort to let them into my head, an effort to deconstruct walls which helps create connection and healing. I want to be seen and heard as much as any of us do, especially by those who care about me and whom I care about in return. If you made it here and take even these five minutes to try to hear me, I appreciate you. You make me feel like I matter, which is something that doesn't always come easily.
There has become quite a bit of content, so start where you feel like starting, but if you don't know much about any of my story yet and are closer to the thought of, "wait, since when did you have an eating disorder??", then I'd maybe start with Long Story Long circa 2018.
I also would like to mention that obviously I talk quite a bit about eating disorders and mental health. I also talk about self harm. More recently I have been better and more educated about talking about it in a way that is appropriate, but if you do venture back a year or so, there may be some mentions of behaviors that are a bit more descriptive. If hearing about these things may be harmful to your own health, please proceed, or don't, with caution.
Lastly, a few key terms that I use a lot that might help you if you aren't too familiar with the lingo of the recovery community and I will try to add to it as I remember more:
ED = eating disorder (duh)
Residential = a 24/7 level of care where you live in a house-like setting for continuous treatment
PHP = partial hostipatilation program; a level of care that usually ranges from 7-10 hours a day and 5-7 days a week.
IOP = Intensive outpatient program; a level of care that usually is about 3 hours a day and 3-5 days a week.
getting "cut" or "pulled by insurance" = insurance approves coverage for treatment in sets of about 5 days at a time, each time followed with a review. between the team and the insurance representative. If the insurance representative is not convinced you qualify for the level of care you are currently in, they will require you to drop to a lower level (or higher level) of care.
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